We were roommates for about 3 1/2 years.
We got HBO in our townhouse just so we could watch every episode of Sex and the City on Sunday nights. (I'm the Charlotte! No, I'M the Charlotte!)
Also, that episode when Trey brings Charlotte a cardboard cutout of a baby is still hilarious and now I have an even better understanding of their fight in front of the other girls.
 |
| Charlotte & Trey were struggling with infertility and he brought her a cardboard baby as a joke trying to cheer her up. It did not cheer her up. |
We survived boyfriends, work schedules and being young women together. (Not to mention the tenants next door who listened to LOUD, Spanish versions of Brittany Spears all night long!)
I was a bridesmaid in her beautiful wedding on the beach and in turn, she was one of my beautiful bridesmaids.
We have experienced great losses...my father and her brother.
She is a wonderful person and friend.
Monday, she and her husband welcomed twin boys into the world.
I just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS and that I'm so happy for them!
They have struggled with infertility and have dealt with their own heartbreak but finally decided to go for it with IVF and were successful! I almost feel that it's me. Their joy is my joy.
They represent success in the midst of my frustration, and hurting and that encourages me to keep trying.
When she found out she was pregnant, she let me know the news in the absolute, best way possible. Let me just say, in my opinion, this is the BEST way to let someone who is struggling with infertility know about a pregnancy.
She sent me a private message on Facebook.
I told you she was a wonderful person and friend.
I pretty much immediately called her. (after I shouted out, "Mel and Patrick are pregnant. With twins!!" and just about made Stewart jump out of his skin! haha)
I was truly happy and excited for her. I also think it gave me hope to know that a friend's struggle was working out and therefore gave me a HUGE boost of Hope.
Late Monday, she welcomed into the world and finally met face to face with her 2 bundles of joy.
Yes. There is a small part of me that is sad for myself, but there is a larger part of me that is overjoyed for a sweet friend who deserves every happiness in the world.
Love you lots Mel!!
 |
| Melisa and I on my wedding day. |
What to Say to Friends Facing Infertility
So there are a million and one articles about what not to say to friends facing Infertility. These included everything from, "God has a plan" to "You can have my kids." Although these articles are generally correct in their assumptions of what infertile couples don't want to hear, I would like to propose a twist to the conventional article…
What about what they WANT to hear? Aren't there things that an infertile woman (or man) would want to hear from people?
As a woman with two children from a previous marriage and having faced infertility trouble to conceive both of my kids I know there are! As I sit now typing this article I can say I am currently facing the infertility path yet again. I remarried several years ago and in the past three years my husband and I have yet to conceive. Let me tell you…the pain of infertility does not get easier if you have other children. I have heard all the cliche things over the last three years. And being a woman who is absolutely open about my infertility more than enough people have offered their "advice" through our multiple treatments.
As I sat next to my husband last night, I got to thinking of what (if anything) would be helpful for my friends or family to say while walking with me through this dark and painful journey. Here is my list of top things to say to a friend faced with infertility no matter where they are in the journey (and it IS a journey).
1. "I cannot imagine the hurt you are feeling, but please know I am here for you." This simple statement will ease some of the pain your friend is feeling. If she is just starting her journey she will come back to your comment and will likely call on you to listen along the way.
2. "Kids are a blessing and I can totally understand why your heart desires one (or another one)." In saying this you are not dismissing her heartfelt yearning for a child, and that can be very moving when you are looking at a pathway to get to your dreams.
3. "When you have your baby I want to be the one to help with your baby shower or anything else you might need help with." The optimal word in this statement is WHEN, do not use the word IF. In her heart she needs to believe that other people believe that it is not an IF but a WHEN.
4. "You and your husband are going to have the most beautiful baby ever!" Again, she needs her friends to believe that their dreams of a baby will come true. The power of positive thinking, right?
5. "I love you." When you are a woman with female infertility problems it is devastating to your womanhood. You beat yourself up over and over about not being able to do the basic function that a woman should be able to do. Just knowing someone loves you is always a help when you are hurting.
6. "If I had the extra $10,000 you need for In-vitro Fertilization I would give it to you." The financial strain that infertility puts on most couples is tremendous and just knowing that someone would help if they could help is nice.
7. "I will pray for your miracle baby." Faith is the only thing that gets most couples through this painful journey and sharing a prayer may be just what she needs.
I could go on and on and probably list a hundred things to say and even more to not say. These are just a few of the things that my friends and family members have said that have helped me during our treatments. If a woman opens up to you about infertility it is because she trusts you. Please do not judge her for her hearts desire. This is not a path I would want anyone to have to go down, but 1 in 8 couples will. Those couples will need the support and love from their friends more than you will ever know.
Will Smith said, "If you are absent during my struggle, do not expect to be present during my success." Be present for friends who are facing infertility, the rewards will know no bounds!
What to Say to Friends Facing Infertility
So there are a million and one articles about what not to say to friends facing Infertility. These included everything from, "God has a plan" to "You can have my kids." Although these articles are generally correct in their assumptions of what infertile couples don't want to hear, I would like to propose a twist to the conventional article…
What about what they WANT to hear? Aren't there things that an infertile woman (or man) would want to hear from people?
As a woman with two children from a previous marriage and having faced infertility trouble to conceive both of my kids I know there are! As I sit now typing this article I can say I am currently facing the infertility path yet again. I remarried several years ago and in the past three years my husband and I have yet to conceive. Let me tell you…the pain of infertility does not get easier if you have other children. I have heard all the cliche things over the last three years. And being a woman who is absolutely open about my infertility more than enough people have offered their "advice" through our multiple treatments.
As I sat next to my husband last night, I got to thinking of what (if anything) would be helpful for my friends or family to say while walking with me through this dark and painful journey. Here is my list of top things to say to a friend faced with infertility no matter where they are in the journey (and it IS a journey).
1. "I cannot imagine the hurt you are feeling, but please know I am here for you." This simple statement will ease some of the pain your friend is feeling. If she is just starting her journey she will come back to your comment and will likely call on you to listen along the way.
2. "Kids are a blessing and I can totally understand why your heart desires one (or another one)." In saying this you are not dismissing her heartfelt yearning for a child, and that can be very moving when you are looking at a pathway to get to your dreams.
3. "When you have your baby I want to be the one to help with your baby shower or anything else you might need help with." The optimal word in this statement is WHEN, do not use the word IF. In her heart she needs to believe that other people believe that it is not an IF but a WHEN.
4. "You and your husband are going to have the most beautiful baby ever!" Again, she needs her friends to believe that their dreams of a baby will come true. The power of positive thinking, right?
5. "I love you." When you are a woman with female infertility problems it is devastating to your womanhood. You beat yourself up over and over about not being able to do the basic function that a woman should be able to do. Just knowing someone loves you is always a help when you are hurting.
6. "If I had the extra $10,000 you need for In-vitro Fertilization I would give it to you." The financial strain that infertility puts on most couples is tremendous and just knowing that someone would help if they could help is nice.
7. "I will pray for your miracle baby." Faith is the only thing that gets most couples through this painful journey and sharing a prayer may be just what she needs.
I could go on and on and probably list a hundred things to say and even more to not say. These are just a few of the things that my friends and family members have said that have helped me during our treatments. If a woman opens up to you about infertility it is because she trusts you. Please do not judge her for her hearts desire. This is not a path I would want anyone to have to go down, but 1 in 8 couples will. Those couples will need the support and love from their friends more than you will ever know.
Will Smith said, "If you are absent during my struggle, do not expect to be present during my success." Be present for friends who are facing infertility, the rewards will know no bounds!
No comments:
Post a Comment