Blown Fuses and Timing

I would be such a great mom.
Stewart would be such a fantastic dad.
Maude and Wyatt can testify to this.  But I can't seem to teach them to read, or say "please and thank you" or "yes mam'm or no sir". 

We often feel left out of life a bit.  It sometimes becomes difficult to be around friends/peers with kids simply because we aren't in that club yet.  It's so much easier to be around people going through the same things you are no matter what that is.  Girlfriends of mine have left me behind in this area and are experiencing motherhood and growing their family.
Stewart and I don't begrudge them, but it just creates a divide sometimes.
I don't mean to complain.  These are just the facts of our life.

Adoption.  This is the word floating around in my mind lately.  Then the word Money pops up.  Then the word Timing.  Then Trust.  Then I sigh and just say a quick prayer about letting it go and the time will come when it's right.  But then I think about adoption again.

It's a difficult process to work through.  At first, I was angry.  I shouldn't have to consider adoption. I should be getting pregnant.

It's not fair as I stomp my feet and yell into the air.
Especially the day I was looking around on the internet at a few agencies and what they require.

Stewart kept telling me to stay off the websites because my emotions weren't there yet.  But I insisted I was fine.  I soon realized I wasn't.
 As soon as I came across a few agencies that require you to provide medical records on any pets in your house I blew a fuse!

We are constantly bombarded by crazy news stories about parents doing horrible things to their babies and kids.  And we have to provide every last, little detail of our lives just to be considered?!
Oh boy...I had to take a step back. Several steps actually.

I was super angry, actually livid.  I didn't want to adopt. I wanted my own, biological child.  There were so many what's, if's and but's racing around my mind when it came to adoption.  I decided it was NOT for me.

But then, I started seeing this verse. Everywhere. On Pinterest. On Facebook. In weird places. Driving down the road, in store windows.

Talk about thought provoking!

Then there's this one.

A different version of  Ephesians 1

It got me to thinking.  Jesus adopted us.  Stewart and I sort of adopted each other.  We adopted Maude, then Wyatt...so really, we're all vagabonds and our child really should be too.  It's also pretty cool to think about how God may have a child out there now or waiting to be born that is meant just for us...When I start thinking about it, I get pretty excited. So I guess I'm warming up to the whole idea of adoption.

But it feels like we're a long way off from the actual process. With Stewart in art school, we are just kind of scraping by.  There are financial options, but we need to be smart about things. 

I really like this one...