Summer and Open Tabs

 Now that my emotions are not ruling me...now that I can face our infertility without crying (most of the time), it's like my mind is cleared out. Or is clearing out....

It's not backed up with depression, anger, confusion and sadness. 
Lately, my tears have been happy ones. Like when I think of the future and what could happen.  I can't help it. My eyes well up because my heart feels so full of love and hope.

I've just been enjoying the simple things.  We aren't able to go anywhere on vaca this summer but that's ok.  This seems to be the summer of healing.
Enjoying family. 
Celebrating birthdays. 
Being creative. 

For instance, I tried one of those yummy looking Pinterest ideas.  An ice cream sandwich cake.  It turned out all right.  Except my toppings started melting...oh well...all that really matters is how it tastes, and it got gobbled up on Memorial Day!

We celebrated my birthday in June.  Mom and Will took Stewart and I out to eat at Jim and Nick's for some wonderful bbq, then went back to our house for birthday cake and ice cream.

 

The past few years, Stewart has been making my birthday cards.  Here is this year's, plus a little something extra.

 

 

 

I love Audrey Hepburn and zombies.  I don't know why. But my hubby captured both sides of my personality perfectly.

 July1, we went downtown to meet up with one of Stewart's childhood friends and his wife.  They hadn't seen each other since about 10th grade!  They're from Louisiana and were up in Memphis for vacation.  They did the whole downtown thing and met us at the Rendezvous to chow on some good ribs. We walked down by the river and saw the new Beale Street Landing where the big riverboat docks.  There are new beautiful overlooks to the river.  We're planning on going back down there one day when it's cooler and really exploring,

Getting our ribs on at the Rendezvous

 

On one of the river overlooks with the Memphis Bridge in the background.

My mind is like a computer with about a gazillion tabs open at the same time.  There's a lot going on in there right now.

Men don't have anything to do with it....My mind is just about to run away with itself.

I opened an ETSY shop called, KelliesWreaths.  I have always loved being creative.  I love to take pictures and have been scrapbooking for some time now. 
I also love to decorate my house and front door to match seasons, holidays and events and will make a wreath for myself from time to time.  Since Stewart is in school and we're learning to live on my teacher salary, I decided I might as well try to try to make a little money.  I've just started on this new venture and it's going slow.  But I'm glad because it's allowing me to tweak things and just figure out how to go about it all.

One of my wreaths in progress.

My wreaths is one open tab.  Another is budgeting, and losing weight and school starting back and home repairs and paying bills and remembering the wet towels I forgot to put in the dryer.

But there is one open browser that is kind of driving all the others right now.  It's something that's been brewing in my mind and Stewart's as well.

I'm excited, scared, emotional, worried, frustrated, impatient. But most of all Hopeful.

I borrowed the books from my friend Melisa who contemplated adoption but went with IVF instead.  She's my friend who is now raising twin boys with her hubby. 
I'm meeting with another friend next week who just recently adopted a cute little boy to talk about their journey and ask her questions.

We haven't officially talked to any agencies.  I emailed one here in Memphis and got an info packet through email.  Right now, we're reading, doing research and talking to friends who have been through it.

Stewart and I definitely want to try to adopt.  We just don't know what will happen.  Our two biggest concerns right now are timing and money. 
Is now a good time to begin the process with Stewart in school?
Or is not the time to begin? After all, adoption can take a few years.  Maybe if we begin now, by the time he graduates, maybe our paperwork will all be accepted.

We worry about money.  Finances are a huge concern.  Many agencies may not consider us since he's in school or there's only one income currently.

Then there's the question of adopting domestically or internationally.  If we had our way, it would be from China.  But adopting domestically is less expensive and would be quicker.

With all these tabs open and searching, my brain is about to freakin' crash! 

So, I take a deep breath and I step outside and I scream to the top of my lungs....oh wait, haha!

But seriously, I just sit quietly for a minute and with tears welling up, say, "Take it Father". 
 I just feel that He's got it under control and that it will all be okay.

There seems to be a theme with our life...and that's timing.  Stewart and I talk about it all the time.  Why didn't we meet sooner? Why didn't he finish school before we met? Why haven't we gotten pregnant?  It all seems to be about timing.

And it seems like maybe things are just starting to line up for us.
Whatever is happening, I know God saw us through what's already happened He's here with us now and He's already in our future.  He has out future all laid out and I know that it is for our good.

In with the good.
Out with the bad.