Kindness and Battles

Can ya'll tell I'm back at school from the lack of my blogging?
Well, guess I really can't blame my crazy school schedule since I really didn't do a lot of posts over the summer.
I really do enjoy blogging...I promise!  Guess I just wait til something hits me...

And something hit me last weekend.

I was walking into Hobby Lobby (my home away from home) and a girl, about my age, was right behind me lugging what looked like a super, deluxe, all the bells and whistles baby carrier thingy.  There was a teensy baby sound asleep inside.

To get to my HobLob's doors, you have to walk up an incline and she was struggling a bit, so I held the door for her.  When she looked me in the eye and said, "thanks!", I panicked.  What was I doing?  Why did I put myself in that position face to face with a new mom and sleeping babe?

Then, as I realized I met her gaze and told her, "you're welcome" that I actually meant it!

I didn't resent her. I wasn't about to burst into tears.

I didn't feel angry/frustrated/confused/jealous/depressed.  And that confused me.

So I walked to a quiet aisle inside and just stood and thought about those new, weird feelings.  As I was thinking, acting like I was really interested in frames, I realized that while I felt some sadness, it wasn't the overwhelming, dark, depressing kind.

It was the manageable kind.

The kind that makes you think, "man, I sure wish I had that, but I guess the time isn't right" kind.

Then I realized what a huge, important thing the act was for me and I was kind of expecting balloons and confetti and a banner saying, "Way to go Kellie!"

That new mom had no idea what a huge step holding the door was for me.  To her, I was just a stranger showing kindness.  

So I guess my point is, you never really know what's going on with someone else.  The people you pass in Hobby Lobby.  The cashier at the gas station. The girl smiling at you holding the door for you and your baby...