Happiness and Wanting

Lately, I find myself living somewhere between being content and finding all kinds of happiness in what I have in my life and longing with my heart of my hearts for it to be different. I wish for something more.

My teaching career is on and popping.
Except for all the education reform attempting to take place and for all the stress that brings.
 I love the kids and I love teaching them new things.  I love seeing their light of understanding suddenly TURN ON. I love seeing them beginning to take charge of their own thinking and taking their own learning to a new level. 
I love teaching and I love watching and helping them learn.

My husband just finished his first semester of art school and I couldn't be prouder of him! He is on his way to achieving something he has wanted for quite some time.  We are POOR and are scraping by.  But we are also learning some big lessons about living on less that I hope we can continue poor or not poor.

Maude and Wyatt are the most wonderful fur babies anyone could ask for.  I love them to pieces.  They make me so happy.  Wyatt always runs up to me and is overjoyed when I come home.  Maude quietly snuggles up to me on the couch and while I'm sleeping.  She is my little heater. And I suspect I am hers as well.  She is getting old.  Probably about 13 or 14.  She is our little grey lady and I want her to be with us forever.

With every Christmas card we get with our friends and families children on them, Stewart and I can't help but feel that pang of sadness pulling on our hearts.

We are in a bit of a conundrum.  Stewart went back to school.  To be an artist.  We are poor.  This is no time to be getting knocked up. But we're old.  Maybe our time is even past.  We're afraid to even try because that's when you always get what you've been wanting.  When you're not trying or when you think it's not the right time.

Then I read this blog.  http://stepintosecondgrade.blogspot.com/2013/12/christmas-with-lemons.html
I have loved following their adoption story. I love seeing this happy little family that was just meant to be.  I think how that could be me and Stewart.
I love how she wrapped 25 books and numbered each one.  Each night their little girl gets to open the next one and they read it together.  That is something I would SO do if we had a child.
So, I just exhale, file that idea away in my head. Maybe I'll get to use it one day.

Yet, I'm happy.
As a single girl, I was really beginning to think I might never get married.   So meeting, dating, falling in love with and marrying Stewart is such a wonderful blessing.  I love him with all my heart and sometimes I still can't believe I finally found someone who loves and puts up with me.

I don't know the end of the story. Shoot, right now, Stewart and I are just trying to survive on smaller income.  Right now, I'm happy...but I'm also wanting more....